he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
