and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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