i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
