so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
