Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
