Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
