My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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