before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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