I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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