just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
