I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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