You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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