yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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