I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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