I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
