I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
