how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
