at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
