I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
