I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
