I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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