I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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