I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
