that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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