I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
