I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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