I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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