i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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