i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
