i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
