I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
is it fun? or sober?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
