I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
