Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
