I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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