I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
