Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
