do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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