i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
