Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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