CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
