i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
