I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
