if i can run in heels then i can drive
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
