So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm really busy with my period
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