There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
