Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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