He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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