My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
