hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
