I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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