wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
