Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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