After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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