There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize