I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Semen is not good for contacts.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
